Stressed by tech? Here’s how to find help

For most of us, tech is a regular part of our daily lives. With a few clicks, it can bring us welcome information, entertainment and access to friends or like-minded souls across the planet. At other times, it can let hurtful language, cyberbullies or troubling images into our heads.

If your interactions with social media and other tech are bringing you stress or pain, don’t just tough it out. These are clues that it’s time to take action: Limit how much time you spend with these sources of discomfort. It also may be time to reach out to others for help. They may have strategies that you missed or didn’t know you had access to.

Below is a checklist to identify if you’re doing okay — or need help. And needing help is not a sign of weakness. Conditions can sometimes overwhelm even the strongest of us. The smart approach is to check in with yourself, then seek help — just as you’d see a doctor if you felt really sick.

Take your emotional temperature. Bryna Cunningham is a licensed clinical social worker in Louisville, Colo. She recommends asking yourself questions: “What do you notice when you wake up in the morning?” Or “what do other people notice about you” in terms of your energy level or attitude? During or just after your social media use, ask yourself: “How does this make me feel about myself?” If you’re typically happy or satisfied, great. If not, keep reading for tips on changes you might want to consider.

Use social media actively and with others. Distinguish between “active social media use and passive use,” suggests Rachel Hanebutt. Watching and talking about a show with someone else is active. Binge watching the same show alone in your room is more passive. Try to use screens actively and intentionally, recommends this developmental psychologist at Georgetown University’s Thrive Center for Children, Families and Communities. It’s in Washington, D.C.

Another healthy tactic is to “spend time on social media in an open area, not trapped in [your] room,” says Michele Q., 14, in Katy, Texas. Michele is the sibling of a Teen Advisory Board member at HalfTheStoryProject.com. It’s a youth-led group aimed at advancing digital wellness. “Social media can make people feel alone sometimes,” Michele says. “Being on your phone near other people helps you feel more connected.”

Hit pause if a post generates big emotions (good or bad). When you encounter a social media post that brings up strong feelings — whether it’s anger or belly laughs — stop and take notice, says Robbie Torney. Before sharing this post, he says, pause and ask yourself: “Who made this content? Do I know them? Do I know why they made this content? Was this made to entertain? Was this made to be an ad? Was this made to make me upset?” Then ask yourself, “Is this coming from a reputable source?”

Torney recommends you go to sites you trust and do some fact-checking. Torney is senior director of AI programs at Common Sense Media. This nonprofit group offers guidance on how to do that fact-checking. It has developed a host of tips for children and teens to improve their online experiences.

Take breaks from your phone. Many people — including kids the world over — live on their phones. It’s your lifeline to friends, entertainment and more. But all that access can sometimes become overwhelming. More importantly, too many of us experience FOMO as soon as we set our phones down (much less turn them off). That wondering what we’re missing out on can be totally distracting, research has shown — as long as the phone is in easy reach. This can be especially true at bedtime, when you may be tempted to scroll through content when you should be asleep.

That FOMO may also lead many of us try to multitask — text and scroll while doing something else. But don’t be fooled into thinking this is a good emotional break. The problem: Our brain doesn’t actually have the bandwidth to do two things at once. Instead, it switches back and forth between two or more tasks. All that switching takes a lot of energy, reducing what’s available for thinking, planning and remembering.

Talk with people in the real world about what you see on social media. A strange difference has developed between real life and social media. “We aren’t hiding … social interactions we have in real life. We tell a sibling or a parent or a friend,” says Edward Thomas, 19, in Cambridge, Mass. “But if someone texts me something, then I’m not going to tell anyone else that!” This can easily increase your stress.

“There’s a lot of bottling in that happens around what people are feeling online,” he explains. “But … you can talk about it.” Share how what’s happening on social media makes you feel — especially with peers. “That’s a way you can relieve stress.” Thomas is a teen mentor with GoodForMEdia. This group describes itself as “a youth-led, peer-mentoring and education program exploring the ME in media.”

Use resources from groups set up to help. GoodForMEdia.org has stories, information and advice from teen mentors. #HalfTheStory has an Instagram site that provides lots of support for teens and tweens. Common Sense Media offers parents lessons, tools and advice in newsletters. And the Log Off Movement offers guidance to uplift and empower kids to tackle the complexities of social media and its impact on them.

Reach out to a trusted adult. Choose someone you know in real life. Says Cunningham, “Are there people who … are consistently there [for you] … who celebrate and cheer your successes?” Look for people who encourage you when you’re feeling tentative. Who are “gentle … while also being truth tellers,” she says, “when you make a mistake.” Reach out to them and tell them how you’re feeling. Ask them how to get help.

These days, there are loads of other kids going through the same thing as you — and sharing about it on social media. But they may show you unhealthy thoughts, feelings or behaviors. Also, some kids have been reaching out to chatbots. But AI advice is not the same as advice from a real person — and is sometimes unhealthy. Instead, says Cunningham, talk to an adult in your real life or call the hotline below.

Take note if a friend is having problems. Reach out to them or a trusted adult if you see that a friend or peer “seems like they are going through a tough time,” says Torney. Especially if “it seems like they’re retreating into their technology as a way of dealing with it.” This is extra important if someone is using technology as the solution. He warns, “Those rabbit holes can be quite dangerous for users that are isolated.”

When all seems hopeless, know you’re not alone. Don’t give up. Call 988 — the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Funded by the federal government, it’s available day and night, all year. You can speak to someone confidentially. They can point you toward help.

Suicide was the third leading cause of death among U.S. teens ages 15-19 in 2023. If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts, please seek help. In the United States, you can reach the Suicide Crisis Lifeline 24/7 by calling or texting 988. Please do not suffer in silence.